I feel like drowning but ignored. I feel like screaming but unheard. I feel like dying but people are unbothered. All I want is to be understood but no seems to listen.

I was foolish to believe that my goodness will be given equality just because I did it. I was too naïve to think that deception l will never come. But look at me now, betrayed and damaged.

The only thing I know is that I’m disgusted of the disrecpect I was given me. The kind where nobody like me deserves it. Somebody like you don’t deserve the goodness and purest of me. You don’t deserve every ounce of me.

I didn’t quit blogging, I just left for a while. I realized I couldn’t write something that reflects sadness because when I came back, I was already full of love.

Even how hard you try to be good enough, some people won’t still appreciate that because they are busy trying their very best to find something wrong with you

The guy that I’m slowly falling with?
I chose to let him go rather than try and gamble in love.
It wasn’t a break up but I’m sure it broke my heart
It broke my heart when I utter the word “end”
It was like letting go of someone I cannot replace
it was like letting go of our late night talks
It was like letting go of that beautiful voice singing to me in the middle of nowhere
It was painful but we both know that what we had mustn’t grow
We both know that you will forever be a poem and I should remain as one of your songs
We both know that it is safe this way
because art is where we can truly say that once upon a time you had me and I had you and whenever we look back there’s no pain because at the end of the day we created something worth looking back

Let’s talk about how hard it is to decide if you should try again in love or stay away from it. Let’s talk about how you’re starting to love someone yet you’re too familiar with what pain feels than what love feels. Let’s talk about how you wanted to be with someone but you rather choose to let the chance pass by. Let’s talk about how it feels. The feeling of damage. Like how the horror made you accept your reality that it’s okay to be alone. Let’s talk about how you wanted to give yourself the freedom to love but you can’t help but be scared of your thoughts. Let’s talk about it.

Ba’t ganon

Ang hirap pag nasa 20′s ka. Hindi ko ma intindihan na parang lagi akong nagmamadali. Nagmamadali in a sense na kailangan may mapatunayan na ako. Nagmamadali in a sense na parang may deadline yu’ng success na iniimagine ko. Hindi ko talaga ma intindihan kung pressured lang ba ako o I’m just being too hard on myself. 

Siguro takot lang tayo. Takot tayong magkamali sa mga desisyon natin. Takot tayo baka sa huli marerealize natin na ay mali yung desisyon ko tapos wala ka nalang magagawa kung hindi mag sisi. Minsan naiisip ko nalang na ang bata ko pa para sa mga life-changing decisions pero I’m old enough to do it. 

I’m ranting this because I want to quit my job. I’m quitting not because it’s boring. I’m quitting not because it pays me poorly. I want to quit because I’m not learning and my heart doesn’t belong there. The thing is, ang hirap mag desisyon mag isa. Ang hirap kasi pag nag quit ako tapos yung mundo hindi sumang-ayon sa mga plano ko. Nakakatakot. In short, takot ako sa failure. Takot akong ma disappoint yung family ko. 

Sa ngayon naghihintay langg ako ng right timing para maging matapang sa mga bagay na gusto ko para sa sarili ko.